My time Waisted

So I move to Seattle from Utah which was very hard to leave family and friends.  I did It all to be healthy asthma wise and help my brother understand life goes goes care about yourself and to be a family again.  Well that worked not.  My brother is drunk and mean at times but now with him sober he is an utter ass.  I hate him, he said when we were kids he couldn't stand me well i should have told the Truth lived with grandma and gone to collage  and be a dance with a masters in English and accounting and dance or even be a teacher for a high school.  none of that happened because mt parents were selfish and thought if i kept my mouth shut dad wouldn't hurt them i was wrong because he did anyway.  My first marriage a disaster of the 20's and my 2nd marriage is very good but very hard worth it don't get me wrong i love Cameron but he doesn't stand up for me so i live every nightmare again alone just like before.  god if your watching or reading rather what the hell did i do that was so bad that i have to live like this again.  God i am afraid of my own shadow.  i hate myself cause i cant work and the ssdi is taking a dick year to happen what the hell really god do i have to beg for something good to happen.

End of Rant #1

More to come when i can see the dam keyboard.